‘You’re an asshole!’ Chester told himself. ‘How could you be so
goddam stupid?’ he scolded himself, before smashing a glass full force
into the wall.
Destruction wasn’t a usual thing that he or any of Linkin Park did in hotels but he was so angry with himself his only release was violence.
‘FUCK!’ he shouted before turning around too fast and landing flat on his ass.
There was a knock on his door and the familiar voice of Brad came through.
‘Chester, man, you OK?’ Brad was obviously worried for his friend.
‘Yeah, I, um, just dropped a glass,’ Chester lied, trying his best to keep the tears from his voice as they rolled down his face.
‘You can’t drop a glass at full force against a wall. C’mon Chaz, open the door! I’m not leaving till you do. Chester open the damn door! If this is a bout those guys in the club earlier, forget about it. Let me in and we can talk this over.’
Brad, the ever understanding one, Chester thought to himself. He began to close his mind from the sounds around him; the sounds of the city, the police sirens in the distance, the music from the jazz club across the street and the sound of Brad’s voice. He disappeared into his own head while he sat crossed legged, crying on the floor.
His past flew before his eyes. He remembered the happy times, when his family was together and then it fell apart as his parents got divorced. He acted as if it hadn’t affected him, but he would cry himself to sleep at night and by the time he was 14, he was a drug addict. He’d score off the kids at school whose older brothers were into it and he’d go to the pushers who deliberately targeted those his age. He’d been a social misfit, he’d only ever been able to go to all the parties because he associated with those that were wanted there. Guilty by association, he almost laughed at himself.
He remembered how his mum had helped him detox, the way she’d kept him home to disassociated him with the drugs, whereas all he wanted was to get high. He’d hurt his family so badly with that, and his father was a cop so he saw it every day in other kids but it killed him to see it happen to his own son. But at least Chester had had his music, without that he probably would be dead by now. He practised till it hurt and his father supported him too. He was clean and wanted to start a new life, that’s when he met Samantha. He’d loved her the moment they met and he loved her now. She was the most amazing thing in his life. She’d supported his musical interests, when he was in Grey Daze, she was always at every gig. When he chose to leave the band she didn’t even try to talk him out of it. Their wedding day had been the most fantastic day of his life, he would never forget that day.
He traced the tattooed wedding ring on his finger as he thought of his wife. She’d even supported him when he’d got that tape from a band called Xero. She was pissed though when he left her in Arizona to join the band but she still wanted him to follow his dreams. She even moved to California with him when the band, Hybrid Theory, started to become quite popular. Then they’d got their publishing deal and became Linkin Park. Now the had a record deal and an album that was doing pretty well. Being in this band had got him to Europe, a place he never thought he’d get to.
And tonight he had almost thrown it all away!!!! Three guys had been at their gig earlier that night, they’d been smoking pot and snorting coke all night. After the gig they were still there when Chester and the guys went for a drink. They’d ended up talking to them and the guys then offered Chester coke. He’d almost taken it! He was about to snort it and realised what he was doing. How could he have been so fucking stupid! After everything he went through when he was younger and he’d almost ruined his life by going back and reliving the horrors of his drug induced past. It would have ended his career, life and marriage.
He stood up and went to the bathroom and stood infront of the mirror.
‘You’re an asshole, Chester Bennington,’ he said to his reflection. ‘How could you be so delinquently stupid?! You’re older now, you’re supposed to be wiser. What a dick.’
Chester walked away from his reflection and wiped the tears from his face. Brad was still outside his door, asking to come in. Chaz paused before opening the door to allow Brad to enter.
‘I thought you’d died and gone to heaven,’ Brad told his friend, as he saw his face.
‘I don’t deserve to go to heaven,’ Chaz told Brad as he turned his back on him and sat on the couch.
Brad shrugged and closed the door behind him. He sat in a chair opposite Chester and looked him straight in the face. ‘What’s bumming you out so badly?’ He knew the answer but he wanted Chester to say it out loud.
‘I almost threw away my entire life’s work and struggle,’ Chester put his face in his hands.
‘But you didn’t do it,’ Brad stated matter-of-factly. ‘You shouldn’t stress about what you almost did and think about what you actually did. You ALMOST didn’t come to California and join our band, you ALMOST didn’t marry Sam, you ALMOST stayed on drugs. But the point is that you made the right decision and did something. It doesn’t matter what you almost did but what you did do. You didn’t take the coke, you stopped yourself, you made the mature, right decision. Forget the almost, the past’s gone and didn’t ruin anything!’
Chester looked up at Brad who had made a very good point. ‘But…’ Chester began but Brad stopped him.
‘No buts. You didn’t do, you did the right thing. Get over yourself, get some sleep and look to the future. In the morning you can call Sam, you can tell her what happened and then you can both move on. You stopped yourself and you should be proud, if you tell her, she will be too. Now I’m tired, you know that I need my sleep and it’s lacking.’ Brad smiled at Chester, who nodded.
The two men stood and hugged each other before Brad left Chester alone.
‘It’s all good,’ Chester said aloud and went to bed in anticipation of the morning and calling Sam to hear her voice.
THE END | Short Fics
|TOP | Last updated 15 February 2002 19:42 (AUS EST / +1000 GMT).|